Doing the stuff I said I was gonna do...

When I started this blog I said that one of the changes I was going to make in my life this year is actually doing the stuff I talk about doing.  I keep this little quote on my "inspiration board" in my office to remind me of that goal.


For the past three years I have helped my sister-in-law, Kristin Montgomery, and my good friend Amy Pence-Brown with their brain-child "Wintry Market."  Basically, I have just helped set up, spread the word about their great event and of course bought some goods from lovely local artisans.  Each year I have thought to myself, why don't I create some things for Wintry Market?  I have always loved making art, but a lot of other good stuff like jobs and kids have taken up my time and energy and it's been put on the back burner for quite a few years.

My friend and work colleague, Sarah Fuhriman, loves to craft as well. As we worked at our real job this year, we also schemed and dreamed and made plans to do something together for Wintry Market.  At first it was just talk but over the past two months we have been busy little "bees" getting ready to submit our application.  With the help of Sarah's handsome boyfriend, the talented photographer, Levi Bettwieser, we submitted our application with pictures of our work early this week.  Today we got the AWESOME news that we have been chosen as 2014 Wintry Market vendors!




This year at the conclusion of the event we work on together, Sarah gave me this card. We really are a mutual admiration society and work so well together. We decided "The Bee's Knees" was the perfect name for our new venture.

So, please visit our new Facebook page and more importantly come check us out at this year's Wintry Market, November 22nd and 23rd at the El Korah Shriners Center Downtown Boise. 

Outside the Comfort Zone

Does everyone go through stages of being super productive, on-task and kicking ass at life and then fall into the abyss of laziness and just getting by, or is it just me?  I got home from my big work event and got my little one off into the big world of kindergarten. Since then, I feel like I've been running on a hamster wheel for a month just spinning around getting by and not living purposefully.

The last few days I have been single parenting which forces a person to be more on-task in order to survive. I have worked on getting back on the bravery horse and focused on being more purposeful with my time and energy. I have made and completed several lists of things I needed/wanted to accomplish.  I also used the focus that I've had this week to get back to working on my fitness goals.  You've heard of a "summer of love" well, I've had a summer of gluttony.

This week I have tried two new fitness classes at the gym.  This is a HUGE deal for me.  All of you gym rats out there will be all "whoa, two classes and she thinks she is rocking life?"  The truth is all of those classes scare me to death.  I walk by them and think maybe I will do one someday. There is one at my gym called BodyPump where people use weights and mats and bands and medicine balls and so many things it's mind boggling.  I am intimidated to even try to assemble all the equipment let alone do the actual class.  I think the main fears for me are a) looking stupid in front of a bunch of people and b) being to out of shape to do the class.  However, one of the promises I made to myself as I entered my 5th decade was that I was not going to care as much about what other people think of me.  Becoming physically fit and taking care of my body is just about ME.  I decided that I honestly don't care if I look stupid and as for the being out of shape thing well...that is the whole reason for the class, right?  The idea that I could actually have perfect kickboxing form or the ability to perform difficult yoga poses at my first class is ludicrous. It should not have taken 40 years for this to become clear to me.

In addition to these fears, I have a great talent for finding excuses.  Even today as I was driving to my first BodyFlow class I was running a little late and briefly thought "well, I can just wait until Thursday when there is one at the other gym."  I forced myself to continue and made it on time. I hope that I can work on breaking the excuse habit.  I am where I am with my body because of saying "I'll start tomorrow" and then tomorrow becomes next week and next month and next year.  All of those pizzas and beer I consumed in my twenties I washed down with the words, "I'll eat better tomorrow."

I also tried a spin class this week.  To those of you who are regular spinners, I bow to you with respect.  I had already worked out for 45 minutes and on a whim joined the class.  The instructor was really nice and told me that if I made if 30 minutes as a first-timer that she would consider it a great start.  I watched that clock like a hawk until the stroke of 6:30 PM (the 1/2 hour mark), waved good-bye, and probably frightened a lot of people on my way out.  My face was so red I'm surprised they didn't offer to put me on heart attack watch.  Other than the incredibly uncomfortable bike seat and my complete overestimation of my fitness level, it was pretty fun.  I might do it again...when my nether-regions recover.

Much of being brave is doing things that are outside of your comfort zone.  Gym classes are outside of my comfort zone literally, and figuratively...but I'm working on it.

Circle of Friends

It's been over a month since I've posted.  I missed the whole month of June...oops!  I have been reminded that I'm being a little neglectful.  I appreciate the gentle nudging, not because I want this to be a chore, but I do want to make it a priority.

Have I been off doing brave things?  Well, yes and no.  I have been continuing the journey of being more honest and genuine with myself and others and trying to "keep it real."

I just went on a weekend getaway with part of my college posse.  We have a yearly weekend getaway.  It's just the girls, husbands and kids have to stay home.  We choose a location that works well for all of us since we are coming from different parts of the Northwest.  Last year was Walla Walla, WA, this year was Leavenworth, WA and it has been decided that next year will be Bend, OR.  I think the original purpose was just to set aside time to re-connect with our friends since busy lives seem to make it impossible to get together often, even for those of us living in the same town.  It seems like, at least for me, it has also grown into a renewing of the spirit and connecting with myself as an individual before I was a wife and mom.  It also provides a chance to get away which makes the longing to come home and see the sweet faces you love so much even more lovely.  Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

The Leavenworth Ladies (Katie, Aylish, Me, Kim, Laura, Robin)

We all expected there to be plenty of laughter since that is a given with my funny, irreverent, outspoken sisters.  There have also been many tender moments of deep friendship, realizing that our past connects us so much but our present lives have so many parallels even though we don't talk daily or weekly like we did in our 20's.  There have also been tears.  We have all reached the 40 mark and have dealt with some really hard things in the last couple of years.  It is so hard to be brave through death of loved ones, relationship struggles, health issues, and child rearing.  I am so blessed and grateful to have such wonderful women on my journey.

If you have been pondering this kind of weekend with friends, I highly recommend it.  There have been times that I have skipped things I really wanted to do because it just seemed like so much work to leave my family for a few days.  This time, it took a patchwork of friends, babysitters, and grandparents to pull it off but it was so worth the effort!  Make it happen!

On the plane to the weekend getaway, I read a book by another brave and inspiring woman.  My childhood and high school friend Johnna Schuck Johnson.  Her book Just Jump! How to Build the Confidence & Courage You Need to Just Jump! out of Your Comfort Zone and Into Your True Potential.

Here we are with our Brownie troop circa 1981.
Johnna is in the center front row, and I am 3rd from the right in the back row.

Johnna is a great example of bravery.  As she discusses in her book, she left a lucrative job where she had worked her way to the top to start her own company.  She is succeeding and teaching other people how to achieve their goals and dreams.

Sharing the Bravery

I didn't really know what to expect when I published my posts on my 40th birthday.  It was a pleasant surprise to hear positive comments from many friends through texts, e-mails, and in person.  It seems that many people have had to figure out how to "be brave" at some point in time and some, like me, are just now getting to that point in their lives too.  I've had friends recommend books (and even send them) that helped them on their journey to bravery or whatever they choose to call it.  I'm excited to read them and use them in my journey.

Some people have said they are excited to see what brave things I'm going to do.  I have to say those comments made me feel a bit of pressure.  I will not be doing any kind of Evel Knievel style jumps, or climbing Everest any time soon.  I think that being brave has a different meaning for every person.  For me, one of the main things is just learning to be who I am and be unafraid to tell people honestly how I feel and doing things I've wanted to do but for some reason keep putting on a back burner.

For instance, today I was chatting with my book club friends and somehow the conversation veered away from the book (surprise) and onto many different topics including local rodeos.  The Canyon County girls were talking about the Caldwell Night Rodeo and someone inquired whether I was a "Civie or a Rowdy." The answer is...I am a "Civie".  For folks who have never been, there are bleachers on either side of the arena. The longtime announcer Randy Corley calls the side that the sun goes down on first the "Civies side" or the one where the civilized people sit.  The other side is nearest the beer garden and the sun is in your eyes for quite some time...this is the "Rowdies side" where all of the beer drinkers sit.  All through the years when I was growing up, I sat with my Dad on the "Civies" side in our vintage, red stadium seats. When I was in college and in my early 20's I tried to be a "Rowdy".  It seemed like the cool thing to do.  All the young people were over there being loud and standing on the corner by the beer garden meeting friends.  I did it, but the whole time I was longing for those red stadium chairs and some folks who wanted to make score notes on their day sheet.  Now, I'm 40, I don't want the sun in my eyes and I know that you can drink beer and be a "Civie."  There you have it folks, telling the truth about important life stuff.

One of the best things about starting a blog is not only do people learn things about me they may have never known, but I have learned so much about my friends that I didn't know before in just one short week.  Many people have shared their stories of being brave. I have amazing friends who have left high paying but overly demanding jobs to start their own businesses and see their families more, friends who have left relationships that weren't happy and are learning to live on their own once again, and friends who raised children alone and were guided mostly by their faith in God.  Cheers, good thoughts and prayers to all of you who are being brave and thanks for sharing!

A Brave New World

I often lay in bed pondering new ideas and they all seem ingenious in the wee hours of the night. Many of them involve pieces of writing or letters that I want to compose. Once I composed a letter to Bittercreek Ale House regarding bringing back the finger steaks.  I never sent it and am still regretting it.  For some time I've been thinking of creating a blog, but then in the daylight hours nagging thoughts of fear and inadequacy tend to take over.  What will people think?  Will people wonder why I think I should share my ideas in this manner? Is it too revealing to put your private thoughts out to the world?

In two short months I will turn 40.  In my 4th decade of life I plan to start being braver.  I think that part of being brave is just jumping in.  I spend so much time thinking about and talking about things that I probably could have done several times over in less time than I've spent pondering them.

I am not brave my nature.  In my teens and 20's I spent a lot of time worrying about what people thought of me and doing things to try to be "cool."  In my 30's I have felt more comfortable in my skin. I've been able to share more of myself without caring what people think (as much). My mom almost died and I truly felt like an adult for the first time.  It was a turning point that made me realize that this is the only life I have to live so I'd better live it well. I gave birth to two sweet, thoughtful, smart little girls who need a mama they see as confident and strong.  I want them to go forth into this world as brave little souls who attract friends who like them for who they are and not because they are trying to "be cool" or fit in.

Tonight I looked up the definition of "Brave." Dictionary.com defines brave as possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance.  My definition includes having the courage of my convictions, having the courage to accept myself as I am and to tell my truth even if it's not popular, to teach my daughters to have courage and confidence in themselves and not judge themselves by what others think of them.

So here I go....jumping in...blogging...beginning "a brave new world" and my 40th year.
It was really nice of Sara Bareilles to record this lovely anthem for my journey. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQsqBqxoR4

Guard Your Heart

Today I had to exercise my new practice of bravery.  I can't really share details but it took me many months to work up to today.  I had been perseverating on the issue, boring my spouse and friends with details about it, losing sleep, biting my nails, and generally making myself miserable over a situation in my life. I am feeling better tonight.  Facing issues straight on is liberating.

Coincidentally, I also visited some friends today who over the past year have been braver than they probably ever thought they could be.  They have gone through a very challenging time in life, overcome many obstacles, and come out stronger. Thinking their experience could help me with my issue of late, I asked them how they have quieted the negative voices that no doubt have been in their heads through this trying time.  They told me about the podcasts of Pastor Joel Osteen. They said, in fact, the one they listened to today is about this exact issue I was wondering about. Driving home from their house, my kids both fell asleep in the car so I turned the podcast they spoke about on my iPhone.  Oh my, divine intervention.  I do believe that sometimes God puts you in the exact place you need to be at the right time and with the right people.

The podcast is called "Keep Your Walls Up."  The main message is from Proverbs, "Above all else, guard your heart."  He discusses not letting all of the negative stuff in, so that it does not get into your spirit.

He goes on to say, that in life there are always going to be 25% of the people who don't like you, 25% who don't like you but could be persuaded to like you, 25% who do like you but could be persuaded not to, and 25% who like you and will stand by you no matter what happens.  He says not to waste time and energy trying to convince the 25% that are never going to like you.  That is precious time and energy you could use to play with your kids, pursue your hobbies, and do things that are important that require your presence and spirit.

For those of you who have already heard me use this, it's because I am going to keep repeating it and remembering it until it sinks in and all of my positive energy is going to positive things!  Being brave requires a lot of positive energy.  Negativity makes you feel bogged down, scared, wary.  Worrying sucks the joy out of today.  The more you "guard your heart" the less these kinds of thoughts can seep in.

Bucket List aka "Living Well"

I really admire people who have a lot of hobbies.  People who spend time perfecting a talent, a sport, a craft are usually more interesting humans.  Myself, I'm kind of a dabbler.  I also talk about doing things somewhere in the future, when I have more time, more money etc.  I did start a "bucket list" in my journal awhile back. The term "bucket list" sort of annoys me for some reason.  I feel like I'd rather it be called the "living well list" or something more positive.  Along with practicing being brave, this whole turning 40 thing has me thinking that it's high time to at least begin working on some of these things I want to do with the rest of my life.  Maybe the days with more time and more money will never come, maybe they will, but either way I'll probably be more interesting if I do some fun stuff along the way.  

Here are some highlights:
1. Drive across the United States
2. Learn to play acoustic guitar
3. Read the Bible
4. Start a blog
5. Learn to oil paint
6. Go to Paris
7. Live in New York City
8. Become a decent seamstress
9. Attend the Kentucky Derby
10. Attend National Finals Rodeo
11. Learn to speak Spanish
12. Learn how to paddleboard
13.Start a family girls weekend
14. Knit well enough to actually make something wearable
15. Go to Charleston and Savannah
16. Visit Ireland
17. Try out for a play
18. Memorize at least 10 poems
19. Go to Bora Bora and stay in one of those huts on stilts over the water
20. Be a 4-H Leader

I probably should have 40 things for my 40th year, but this seems like a good start.