Sharing the Bravery

I didn't really know what to expect when I published my posts on my 40th birthday.  It was a pleasant surprise to hear positive comments from many friends through texts, e-mails, and in person.  It seems that many people have had to figure out how to "be brave" at some point in time and some, like me, are just now getting to that point in their lives too.  I've had friends recommend books (and even send them) that helped them on their journey to bravery or whatever they choose to call it.  I'm excited to read them and use them in my journey.

Some people have said they are excited to see what brave things I'm going to do.  I have to say those comments made me feel a bit of pressure.  I will not be doing any kind of Evel Knievel style jumps, or climbing Everest any time soon.  I think that being brave has a different meaning for every person.  For me, one of the main things is just learning to be who I am and be unafraid to tell people honestly how I feel and doing things I've wanted to do but for some reason keep putting on a back burner.

For instance, today I was chatting with my book club friends and somehow the conversation veered away from the book (surprise) and onto many different topics including local rodeos.  The Canyon County girls were talking about the Caldwell Night Rodeo and someone inquired whether I was a "Civie or a Rowdy." The answer is...I am a "Civie".  For folks who have never been, there are bleachers on either side of the arena. The longtime announcer Randy Corley calls the side that the sun goes down on first the "Civies side" or the one where the civilized people sit.  The other side is nearest the beer garden and the sun is in your eyes for quite some time...this is the "Rowdies side" where all of the beer drinkers sit.  All through the years when I was growing up, I sat with my Dad on the "Civies" side in our vintage, red stadium seats. When I was in college and in my early 20's I tried to be a "Rowdy".  It seemed like the cool thing to do.  All the young people were over there being loud and standing on the corner by the beer garden meeting friends.  I did it, but the whole time I was longing for those red stadium chairs and some folks who wanted to make score notes on their day sheet.  Now, I'm 40, I don't want the sun in my eyes and I know that you can drink beer and be a "Civie."  There you have it folks, telling the truth about important life stuff.

One of the best things about starting a blog is not only do people learn things about me they may have never known, but I have learned so much about my friends that I didn't know before in just one short week.  Many people have shared their stories of being brave. I have amazing friends who have left high paying but overly demanding jobs to start their own businesses and see their families more, friends who have left relationships that weren't happy and are learning to live on their own once again, and friends who raised children alone and were guided mostly by their faith in God.  Cheers, good thoughts and prayers to all of you who are being brave and thanks for sharing!

A Brave New World

I often lay in bed pondering new ideas and they all seem ingenious in the wee hours of the night. Many of them involve pieces of writing or letters that I want to compose. Once I composed a letter to Bittercreek Ale House regarding bringing back the finger steaks.  I never sent it and am still regretting it.  For some time I've been thinking of creating a blog, but then in the daylight hours nagging thoughts of fear and inadequacy tend to take over.  What will people think?  Will people wonder why I think I should share my ideas in this manner? Is it too revealing to put your private thoughts out to the world?

In two short months I will turn 40.  In my 4th decade of life I plan to start being braver.  I think that part of being brave is just jumping in.  I spend so much time thinking about and talking about things that I probably could have done several times over in less time than I've spent pondering them.

I am not brave my nature.  In my teens and 20's I spent a lot of time worrying about what people thought of me and doing things to try to be "cool."  In my 30's I have felt more comfortable in my skin. I've been able to share more of myself without caring what people think (as much). My mom almost died and I truly felt like an adult for the first time.  It was a turning point that made me realize that this is the only life I have to live so I'd better live it well. I gave birth to two sweet, thoughtful, smart little girls who need a mama they see as confident and strong.  I want them to go forth into this world as brave little souls who attract friends who like them for who they are and not because they are trying to "be cool" or fit in.

Tonight I looked up the definition of "Brave." Dictionary.com defines brave as possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance.  My definition includes having the courage of my convictions, having the courage to accept myself as I am and to tell my truth even if it's not popular, to teach my daughters to have courage and confidence in themselves and not judge themselves by what others think of them.

So here I go....jumping in...blogging...beginning "a brave new world" and my 40th year.
It was really nice of Sara Bareilles to record this lovely anthem for my journey. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUQsqBqxoR4

Guard Your Heart

Today I had to exercise my new practice of bravery.  I can't really share details but it took me many months to work up to today.  I had been perseverating on the issue, boring my spouse and friends with details about it, losing sleep, biting my nails, and generally making myself miserable over a situation in my life. I am feeling better tonight.  Facing issues straight on is liberating.

Coincidentally, I also visited some friends today who over the past year have been braver than they probably ever thought they could be.  They have gone through a very challenging time in life, overcome many obstacles, and come out stronger. Thinking their experience could help me with my issue of late, I asked them how they have quieted the negative voices that no doubt have been in their heads through this trying time.  They told me about the podcasts of Pastor Joel Osteen. They said, in fact, the one they listened to today is about this exact issue I was wondering about. Driving home from their house, my kids both fell asleep in the car so I turned the podcast they spoke about on my iPhone.  Oh my, divine intervention.  I do believe that sometimes God puts you in the exact place you need to be at the right time and with the right people.

The podcast is called "Keep Your Walls Up."  The main message is from Proverbs, "Above all else, guard your heart."  He discusses not letting all of the negative stuff in, so that it does not get into your spirit.

He goes on to say, that in life there are always going to be 25% of the people who don't like you, 25% who don't like you but could be persuaded to like you, 25% who do like you but could be persuaded not to, and 25% who like you and will stand by you no matter what happens.  He says not to waste time and energy trying to convince the 25% that are never going to like you.  That is precious time and energy you could use to play with your kids, pursue your hobbies, and do things that are important that require your presence and spirit.

For those of you who have already heard me use this, it's because I am going to keep repeating it and remembering it until it sinks in and all of my positive energy is going to positive things!  Being brave requires a lot of positive energy.  Negativity makes you feel bogged down, scared, wary.  Worrying sucks the joy out of today.  The more you "guard your heart" the less these kinds of thoughts can seep in.

Bucket List aka "Living Well"

I really admire people who have a lot of hobbies.  People who spend time perfecting a talent, a sport, a craft are usually more interesting humans.  Myself, I'm kind of a dabbler.  I also talk about doing things somewhere in the future, when I have more time, more money etc.  I did start a "bucket list" in my journal awhile back. The term "bucket list" sort of annoys me for some reason.  I feel like I'd rather it be called the "living well list" or something more positive.  Along with practicing being brave, this whole turning 40 thing has me thinking that it's high time to at least begin working on some of these things I want to do with the rest of my life.  Maybe the days with more time and more money will never come, maybe they will, but either way I'll probably be more interesting if I do some fun stuff along the way.  

Here are some highlights:
1. Drive across the United States
2. Learn to play acoustic guitar
3. Read the Bible
4. Start a blog
5. Learn to oil paint
6. Go to Paris
7. Live in New York City
8. Become a decent seamstress
9. Attend the Kentucky Derby
10. Attend National Finals Rodeo
11. Learn to speak Spanish
12. Learn how to paddleboard
13.Start a family girls weekend
14. Knit well enough to actually make something wearable
15. Go to Charleston and Savannah
16. Visit Ireland
17. Try out for a play
18. Memorize at least 10 poems
19. Go to Bora Bora and stay in one of those huts on stilts over the water
20. Be a 4-H Leader

I probably should have 40 things for my 40th year, but this seems like a good start.